When Adulterers Care Enough ...

Apparently it's not enough that just about every holiday has a card (c'mon, do we really need to pass out cards on Arbor Day or Thanksgiving Day??). Nosiree! Thanks to Bethesda resident Cathy Gallagher, you will soon be able to purchase a heart-felt greeting for your other significant other, if you catch my drift. They're not out yet, but keep an eye on the aisles of your favorite card shop and you just might spot the Secret Lover Collection wedged in between the wedding and grief cards. Some examples:

• A holiday card begins with, As we each celebrate with our families, I will be thinking of you.
• The card meant for an office romance says, I used to look forward to the weekends but since we met they now seem like an eternity.
• There's a breakup card that says, I can't go on like this anymore -- I guess our timing just wasn't right.
• And the worst of the lot urges the receiver to leave his or her spouse. Let's live our lives together and finally be one," it says. "I can't imagine not having you in my life. Let's start living our lives for 'us.'

I think I may just have to puke. According to the Gazzette.net, Gallagher came up with the idea for the cards after she and her husband had a conversation about how many of their friends were involved in extramarital affairs. As to whether either she or her husband has ever engaged in an affair, she says "You don't have to be a murderer to write a murder mystery. It's irrelevant because I feel like I've experienced it through my friends." Gallagher believes that people in extramarital affairs are an untapped market and could be a real money-maker. Besides, regular relationship cards just don't cut it when it comes to expressing the feelings in an adulterous affair, right? But aside from the prospect of making money through her new business, Gallagher said she's also doing a service:

"This way they have a way to express their feelings. They're in this conflicting situation. They love this other person but they may not want to break up their family," she said. "It's very taboo, but I'm not judgmental about it. I feel like I'm helping them."

Oh, I see. She's not condemning or condoning affairs. She's just trying to make an honest buck off of conflicted (and possibly dishonest) people. It is, after all, the capitalist/commercial way. So what's next, a line of Thank You for Screwing the American People cards that come pre-addressed for sending to the White House or your favorite avengelist? They could have five flavors: Sarcastic, Ironic, Bitter, Vengeful, and Disenchanted. Hmmmm..... Come to think of it, I might actually purchase those cards. (Or trademark the idea poste haste!). Full story can be found at the several locations, such as:

• Gazette.net
• LA Times
• Baltimore Sun
• News Observer (has photos!)

Baltimore Sun Photos by Andre F. Chung

Update: I almost forgot ... I just 'loved' the Ads by Gooooogle that show up in the Gazette.net article. Here is a screen capture of what I saw (YMMV of course):

Yeeeeeesh.