Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Muskrat Love?

[Author's Note: This is merely a record of a conversation that took a very weird turn -- a turn that was my fault. But please note that in no way do I advocate the use of muskrat guts for home remedies.] I went to my chiropractor today. As I entered the treatment room, one of the docs was engaged in a conversation with two clients. I had missed most of the conversation, obviously, but I did catch this as I walked by them:
Client 1: [author didn't catch what was said] Doc Wife: ...they have all sorts of ointments. Client 2: And I'm sure someone will have a home remedy version of it.
At this point, I decided to interject something humorous into the mix. This is always a dangerous prospect, I know, and I am guilty of doing it far more often than I should. But these are folks I am familiar with (I'm just not sharing their names with all of you -- for their privacy's sake), and they actually enjoy my little tangents. So, with "ointments" and "home remedy" buzzing in my brain, I went with the first thing that crossed my fevered brain:

ME: Oh yes, there is a home remedy. It's made from muskrat guts.

Doc Wife: What?! [Author's note: she tends to be a bit gullible ... or simply trusting.]

Client 2: I figured it would be something disgusting like that. [Author's note: This person is very good at thinking on her feet and coming up with a rejoinder that works perfectly well. In other words, she can really play along.]

ME: Yeah. And you can only use rural muskrats.

Client 2: (Laughing) Urban ones are no good?

ME: No, no. You see, urban -- and suburban -- muskrats eat of out garbage dumpsters and such. So they have too many preservatives in their bodies. Most of them are on a sugar rush -- too many Twinkies.

Client 2: Oh, so is that why they run in front of traffic?

ME: Of course! They're screaming, "Where is the Tastykake truck?! Where is the Hostess truck?!? Gimme a Twinkie!!"

(At this point, Doc Wife and Clients 1 & 2 are just laughing ... the conversation is pretty much over.)

No comments: