Ladies and gentlemen of the constituency, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my smart-phone, I wonder: 'Did little demons get inside and type it?' I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like my opponent is in office, BAAAAAD things happen. When a caveman like me is in office, only GOOOOD things happen. So vote for me. Thank you."
With apologies to the genius of Jack Handey and Phil Hartman (1948 – 1998) who brought us the brilliant Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer sketches on SNL.
By the way, we miss you, Phil.