Sunday, December 31, 2006

Magazines with Disclaimers

Like many people, I sometimes have to sit in a waiting room. During a recent wait, I picked up a financial magazine and started thumbing through it. Apparently, the individual who picked up the same copy of this magazine (that shall remain nameless) had puh-lenty of time to kill. He (or she, I really should not assume here) decided to add the following disclaimer to said magazine:

|- quoted material -- author unknown -|

Notice: This magazine may be read only by those that meet the following qualifications:

  • You are male-born-male.
  • You voted for Bush and believe he can do no wrong.
  • You believe that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and Mars is a much better planet.
  • You are white.
  • You are heterosexual and homophobic.
  • You have no mannerisms that could possibly, in any way, be considered even slightly feminine or wimpy, such as feelings, emotions, concern for others.
  • You are Republican.
  • You voted for Bush and believe he should be king.
  • You are pseudo-Christian (as opposed to real Christians, who don’t skip those parts of the bible that mention Jesus’ concern for the poor and disadvantaged, overturning the moneychanger’s tables, etc).
  • You can be Jewish, if you are sufficiently right-wing, willing to suck up to pseudo-Christians, and agree to sell your soul when the Rapture comes. But be advised that we can revoke this privilege at any time. Also, we have a strict quota on the number of Jewish subscribers. (This is “affirmative action”, after all.)
  • You are eager to lay off workers and outsource their jobs, and can do this as easily as flicking a crumb off your table.
  • You are eager to make money off the backs of those who don’t meet these qualifications.
  • You believe Bush should be king and that he can do no wrong.
  • You equate capitalism with democracy.

If you do not meet these qualifications, you are nothing but a scraping from the bottom of the barrel and we don’t want you as a reader.

|- end quoted material -| That unofficial disclaimer was more noteworthy than anything else I found in the mag. Seriously.

2 comments:

Secret Rapture said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!

brainwise said...

Hello "secret rapture" --

My first question to you would be: "What does your comment have to do with the magazine disclaimer I posted?"

I guess I don't have any other questions for you. Perhaps I fear the answers. ;)