Dirty Deeds Indeed

"It started out as playing games, but this time she pushed me too far Oh no, the damage is done She's the one to blame, she's got my soul I just can't seem to leave her alone Far too late, I found out what you were up to. I don't wanna live like this, but now it seems there ain't no way back Oh no, I'm caught in a trap." Now that there is nowhere to run, need an alibi! -- Adapted from Alibi (Vandenberg, 1985)

I cannot believe what I heard on the radio this morning. Michael Smerconish (MASTALK.com), a local morning talk show host, interviewed someone from Alibi Network. You read that correctly: Alibi Network (alibinetwork.com). For a fee, these guys will back up just about any (legal) story you concoct. You want to get out of a boring dinner party? Alibi Network can give you the chance to excuse yourself with a Rescue Call. (It's their most popular service, ya know). You want your boss to think you attended an out-of-town seminar? Alibi Network will set you up with proof of your stay in a hotel and provide you with a certificate of completion for the seminar! Told your wife you are going fishing with the boys instead of your real destination? Alibi Network can purchase the fishing equipment, have "the boys" (a few actors) pick you up, provide a phone service for where you are "staying", use the equipment (for added realism, natch), and then have the boys drop you off home again and wave to your wife. Depending on your situation, AN can even provide you with a dial in center so that your calls home or to your boss will look like they are coming from the location you specify -- even if you aren't anywhere near that location! Sound shady? It sure sounds that way to me! Now, supposedly, there are legitimate reasons for going to all the trouble of a professional alibi. Such as, um ... covering your tracks when planning an elaborate surprise party. And if you use this service, at least you're not dragging a friend into the lie du jour. I guess that's something. But my gut tells me that most of these folks are up to no good. Is it any wonder that trust and honesty are seen in increasingly rare supply? You have been warned. Trust no one!