Super Bowl Preparation: The Terrible Towel (Philly Variant)

My father sent me an email chock full of pre-game preparation tips, just to help us get ready for the Super Bowl on Sunday. Keep in mind that practically everyone in my family belongs to the Pittsburgh Steeler fanbase. But dear ol' dad knows that my wife and her family -- not to mention just about everyone else around here -- are firmly camped in the Eagles' fanbase. So here is the message from Dad:

It is almost time for the Big Game!

You should skip a half-day of work and begin cooking goodies.

Clear all breakables from the viewing area. Ensure that floor coverings in the viewing area scrubable, etc.

And don’t forget your Terrible Towel. Make sure it is clean, bright, and well starched. A stiff towel will keep (other) unruly fans at a distance. And . . . Wait a minute! Wrong fans.

OK! OK! I Know. Get two average size, green Walmart-type bags. Place one bag into the other per usual double bagging practice. On the day of the game, purchase the best Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich you can find. (Home made is acceptable.) During pre-game activities, place the sandwich in the bags. Twist and securely tie the bags to keep the contents enclosed there in.

You now have the Philly version of the Terrible Towel. Swing responsibly.

It should be a good game. And, now your team has the tools to win.

Please use only as directed.